What's Up You Crazy Sons a Bitches?! It's Hockey Season!

That's right North America...I'm still in charge of the best game in the land.

Anyway, times are very difficult and I wanted to apolgize to you all for not making hockey more popular than it was when I took over the leage 15 years ago. I mean, how sad for the L.A. newspapers to have ONE beat writer for TWO professional teams. That's just sad...and not at all my own fault.

http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/blog/puck_daddy/post/Why-your-local-newspaper-chooses-not-to-cover-th?urn=nhl,111634

College Football Sucks! Watch the NHL this New Year's Day

A lot of people have told me for the last 15 years, "Gary, we love what you've done to the game, what more can you do?" At first, I thank them, but why should I? I'm Gary f-ing Bettman? I don't have to thank anyone.

Anyway, what was I saying....oh, so someone asked what I could do make the game more available and popular. Well, I wanted to permanently hold all Stanley Cup Finals games in New Orleans, like the Super Bowl. But some smart ass Canadian intern I got working here at headquarters from Moose Jaw suggested holding an outdoor game. Turns out, the little bastard stole the idea from the Edmonton Oilers, who, as it turns out to my surprise, actually did this several years without my knowledge. (Note to self - must pay more attention to Canada. They like the game).

So, we held an outdoor game this season in Buffalo and it was a big success. Lots of people attended the game. I even heard a rumor that NBC - a national broadcasting company based out of New York (New York people!!!) even carried the game.

With that kind of success, we are going to do it again this year. Where, you ask? Chicago!!! And, we'll have the Black Hawks face off against their Original Eight...er, Six, rival Detroit Red Wings.

'Gary, that's awesome! When can we expect to see this game because I'd love to attend it, or, at least watch it on TV.' I've even had some say to me, 'Gary, surely you aren't stupid enough to schedule this game on a major holiday where it would compete for viewers with time honored classic sports viewing like NCAA football bowl games?'

Well, folks, if you want to challenge my stupidity, I raise you.

Not only will this game compete against NCAA football, I'm going to also hold the game on January 1!!! Top that one mother f-ers!

See you Saturday in Pittsburgh.

Hi! I'm Gary Bettman, and as you probably know, I suck balls!

Greetings from Toronto!!! My name is Gary Bettman, if you are one of the 2,847 people that have tuned into the NHL over the last three years on Versus, then you know who I am. If not, let me introduce myself.

My name is Gary Bettman and I am in charge of a professional sports league called the National Hockey League (or, the NHL if you are an old-time elitist fan).

The league has been around since 1917 and I've been the league's Commissioner since 1993. In that short time span, I have single-handedly brought the league's reputation and popularity down to depths not seen since 1938. Because I hate Canadians, northern United States hockey fans and their elitism to the game, I have dramatically expanded the league into cities that could care less about the sport.

And to be honest, I've f*cked up the game so badly that to try and go through all the ways I've messed it up in one or two paragraphs is, quite frankly, and insult to the word "ineptitude".
Anyway, we are in the middle of the Stanley Cup Finals right now between the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Detroit Red Wings. A battle that I think should be epic. The beauty of the series is that I'm showing the public how much I care about the game. How am I doing this? By having the games shown on NBC for free. That's right, FREE!! The league is getting no revenue in showing these games to you. Why? Well, as I explained before, ineptitude is my middle name.
I promise to keep you updated on where I plan to take the league in the coming seasons. Stay tuned and come back soon!

Yours,

Gary Bettman
Commissioner, NHL